Managing Culture Shock
Change Your Perspective & Change Your Life!

"If you are experiencing difficulties living in a foreign country, you might want to know how changing your perspective could work wonders for you." >> Read more

If we are experiencing difficulties in our host country, we know something didn't work out the way we wanted. Why are we still feeling uncomfortable, uninvolved, stressed and exhausted?

The next thing we do, since we are all human, is to start complaining or blaming ourselves – and others – for our situation. And as everyone knows, this gets us nowhere.

Instead, we need to have strategies in place to help us settle into our new environment and get over culture shock as quickly as possible. This is the best way to minimise the impact of culture shock on our well-being, and put an end to our struggling.

This groundwork is crucial. What kind of perspective do we have, and how do we prepare ourselves and the entire family for the move to a foreign country? This depends on who we are: the breadwinner, the child, the teenager or the spouse. Each person, according to their role in the family, will approach the move differently.

Let’s focus on the wife and discover what perspective will benefit her most in adjusting quickly to the new environment.

Mary has been living in Switzerland with her husband and two children for almost two years. An intelligent and capable woman, she left her career with a consulting firm in Canada to move here with her family. This move was a career boost for her husband, who was working for an international bank. Her two children are 13 and 8 years old.

When I met Mary, she was still going through culture shock. “I feel so depressed! I really miss my friends, my family and my job,” she would complain. “Everything's so different. I can’t read labels, or ask people for what I want. I couldn't even pick up the phone and arrange to have the blender repaired".

“The worst thing is I feel really isolated most of the time. Since Chris is travelling a lot with his new job, it all comes down to me. I'm struggling hard to adjust and keep my mood up, keep the house running, support the kids with their schooling and be an understanding and cheerful wife. I never realized this move would be so hard! ”

After almost two years, Mary is still struggling to come to terms with the changes the new environment has brought to her and her family’s life. This picture was so familiar to me, having seen many of my friends in similar situations, and having experienced it myself while moving around the Far East for years. How did Mary get into this situation? How could she have better prepared herself for the changes to come?

The best way for Mary to prepare would have been to ask herself a few simple questions:

• How do I want to live my new life?
• How can I adjust quickly to my new environment and become part of the community?
• How can I continue working there?
• What do I need to know about this country?
• How can I get all the necessary information?
• Who can support me and my family in preparing for the future?
  

By asking herself these questions, Mary would have changed the way she approached the move by being actively involved in the preparation process. By this, I don't mean involved in the usual process of negotiating with moving companies, putting up the house for sale, or looking into financial matters. I mean involved in a process of mentally and emotionally preparing for the changes, and thereby getting to a stage where mind and heart are in full agreement: yes, it really is a priority for me to quickly settle in my new environment; yes, I truly embrace my new challenges. This would mean Mary's consciously choosing a perspective of taking responsibility.

From this perspective of responsibility, what would Mary have done differently? She would have been aware of her real needs, focused on how to achieve what she wanted, and actively chosen the steps which would get her there. While still at home, she could have chosen to:

• Really get familiar with the customs and culture of her new host country.

Libraries, bookstores, the Web or travel agencies are all sources of valuable information on the customs and culture of every country, especially in the sections about festivals and holidays.

• Find people who had been to her new country and get information from them about the differences they experienced.

Contact people from the company such as returnees, especially the wives, for valuable first-hand experiences. She could also have planned a research visit to the country ahead of the move.

• Learn some basic language skills.

Does the company provide language training for spouses ? Mary could check out adult learning or online institutes for crash courses. She could also find appropriate dictionaries on the Web, which would help her get a feeling for the new language. She could consider taking some private lessons for a start.

• Research job opportunities or career possibilities.

The company should have valuable information about this, as they know the laws and what possibilities exist. She should talk to as many people as possible, and spread the word about her availability. While still at home, she could find a newspaper from the new country and go through the job advertisements for new ideas.

• Prepare a list of different professionals in the host country who speak her language.

Ask former colleges, the company and embassies for information, as well as searching the Web.

• Find a coach who works with expatriate families and who can support preparing her for the changes ahead.

Mary could have researched Web sites of coaches providing services for expatriate families; contacted her doctor; or asked friends, relatives and colleagues who use such services.  How would Mary benefit from having taken some of these active steps? How would the whole picture change? 

• She would know what reactions to expect from herself and other family members, be aware of ways to overcome culture shock, and have a support structure in place.
• Her basic language skills and her information about local customs would give her the confidence to get out and experience the new culture and make new friends. She would be able to read labels, use the phone and ask questions.
• She would be able to get involved with the new community quickly, since she would know about various clubs, schools, their activities, etc. prior to the move.
• She would know about career or job opportunities, or be able to find some other meaningful activity.
• She would feel less lonely and dependent, and able to get over any homesickness more quickly.
• With the support of a suitable coach, she would be very clear on how she could benefit from her talents and potential, whatever the circumstances.
  

By asking a few simple questions, and taking a perspective of responsibility, Mary could have avoided much of the disorientation and anxiety which are normal for the initial stages of arrival in a new country. The influence this perspective has on the well-being of the entire family is huge, too. Mary's shift in perspective will be an important step towards living a happy and enjoyable life of her own, and with her family, wherever she may be. “